In the Lee of the Stone

Sayang

2012-01-10T22:44:00.001+08:00

Today. I said, "Mama sayang E." E said, "I sayang Mama also." :)

First Solid Food

2012-01-09T20:55:00.001+08:00

Here is J experiencing for the first time rice cereal :)

J

2012-01-08T00:01:00.001+08:00

Glad

2012-01-07T17:11:00.001+08:00

For months now, J often turns his head up to look at me. He then smiles happily as if glad to be in my arms and suckling me. :)

Argh

2012-01-07T00:26:00.002+08:00

I've posted some photos upside down onto this blog! Oh well, you can imagine in your mind how the photos would look the right way up. :)

Television

2012-01-01T18:20:00.001+08:00

A few months ago, we restricted E's television viewing to one or less cartoon a day. Her Ees came and we watched a show. When E heard us screaming, she rushed over. "Scary ah. Scary ah. Do you want to watch my show? Not scary wan." :)

Happy New Year :)

2012-01-01T16:55:00.000+08:00

Pavlova

2011-12-28T14:12:00.001+08:00

Wow. This was made by Auntie L in Melbourne for Christmas.

Prayer

2011-12-27T19:52:00.003+08:00

Last Tuesday, E prayed, "Father in heaven, I pray for papa and J. ... I went shopping. ... Give me a present. ... W dot X Y Z. Amen." :)

Art Gallery 10

2011-12-25T19:02:00.014+08:00

December 11, 2011

Art Gallery 9

2011-12-25T19:02:00.013+08:00

October 15, 2011
"The Doctor"

Art Gallery 8

2011-12-25T19:02:00.012+08:00

September, 2011
"Papa, Mama, Esther, Baby Boy"

Art Gallery 7

2011-12-25T19:02:00.011+08:00

August 26, 2011

Art Gallery 6

2011-12-25T19:01:00.003+08:00

August, 2011

Art Gallery 5

2011-12-25T19:01:00.001+08:00

July, 2011

Art Gallery 4

2011-12-25T19:00:00.003+08:00

July 24, 2011

Art Gallery 3

2011-12-25T18:57:00.001+08:00

June 14, 2011

Art Gallery 2

2011-12-25T18:53:00.002+08:00

January 2, 2011
E drew a little curved line and a circle around the curved line. Then she said, "Apple. Esther draw apple. :)"

Art Gallery 1

2011-12-25T18:52:00.001+08:00

December 25, 2010

Oh Yummy!

2011-12-13T16:48:00.002+08:00

This is a Nigella Lawson inspired cake, which was made by my cousin A3. The cake is chocolate dripped with a honey sauce. The bees are marzipan with almond wings. It tastes absolutely delectable!

Plant

2011-11-24T00:59:00.001+08:00

Ooh I do like plants! We picked this up for RM 8.80 last Monday. Its now in our courtyard. :)

I am Reading. ..

2011-11-19T05:32:00.004+08:00

I am making my way, page by page, through Middlemarch. It is a laborious read, but the author's way of describing the inner compulsions and outer lives of the characters is appealing to me. I read it because my sister likes the book.

Bedtime

2011-11-19T05:32:00.001+08:00

If we forget to pray for E or brush her teeth, she will remind us to do so.

J sleeps soundly each night in his cotbed after the lights are out. He looks so cute in his nightwear. :)

Father, I pray that my children will grow up to love You all the days of their lives. In Jesus' name. Amen.

J

2011-11-18T18:29:00.003+08:00

Lansinoh, oolala

2011-11-18T15:58:00.004+08:00

A bout of eczema appeared on J's face. We applied tea tree oil, aloe vera and probiotics lotion, but the eczema seemed untameable. We turned next to Lansinoh "For Breastfeeding Mothers", which is "ultrapure, medical grade, USP modified lanolin". Hypoallergenic, no preservatives. It "soothes, heals and protects" damaged or sore skin. Hurray, the Lansinoh was effective!

Decision

2011-11-18T15:40:00.001+08:00

I would like my children to seek God and obey Him all the days of their lives. Prepare them for eternity. Fruitful lives. Character rather than the pursuance of rank, social status and money.

Resilience

2011-11-12T19:27:00.010+08:00

My paternal grandmother was of strong Hakka stock. Her brother and father were martial art chieftains. When the two men were imprisoned by the British, they scaled the prison walls and escaped.

In an age where contraceptives were not readily available to a Chinese migrant in Malaya, she gave birth to twelve children - nine brothers and three sisters. Food and medicine were scarce, but eleven children survived to adulthood and flourished.

During the Japanese occupation of Malaya in World War II, soldiers stripped of compassion terrorized her Chinese kindred. They pulled out the finger and toe nails of the menfolk, force-fed water into their mouths and stomped on them. My grandmother bound her breasts and wore a young boy's garments before venturing out from her hiding places to avoid harassment and rape.

Decades later, when the family gathered at my uncle's house in Phillip Island, Australia, she looked with interest at the seabirds in the garden. She asked me if I thought they would taste good. There was a glint in her eye and a smile on her lips. I sometimes see the same look on my father's face when he talks about food. But that night, in that holiday home by the seashore, I heard her whimper in her sleep. She told me she had dreamed of Japanese soldiers with their guns and bayonets chasing Chinese men.

Happy Birthday

2011-11-10T20:34:00.004+08:00

E turns three today!

We brought her to the doctor for vaccination against Japanese encephalitis. Little brother received rotavirus and pneumococcal vaccinations.

Then she had her favorite food - chocolate cake, and selected a sticker stories book as a birthday gift - Ladybug Girl Visits the Farm.

E likes to say nowadays, "This is perfect!"

Po Po dropped by with more chocolate cake and new RM notes.

Dr ee ee was able to get hold of us and speak to E before rushing off to night shift at the hospital.

Auntie J and little B called to chat. Little B had practised saying, "Happy Birthday".

Kong Kong is coming over soon. :)

Cow Colostrum and Egg Yolk Extract

2011-11-09T19:50:00.004+08:00

Am I seeing the modern face of peddlers of snake oil, a concoction touted as the cure all for what inflicts the human body?

A relative is undergoing a course of radiation for her condition. She takes cow colostrum and egg yolk extract, produced by a multi level distribution company. The "miracle ingredient" in this product is called the transfer factor. Transfer factors are elements in a mother's milk that contain instructions in relation to the immune system. These instructions can be transferred or downloaded from the mother to its offspring.

As my relative is neither a calf nor a chick, I question the effectiveness of this compound. Orally ingested in pill form, can it overcome the cross species barrier to imprint on humanity its instructions? Even then, why would my relative need to be defended against illnesses that attack only the hoofed and feathered?

Perhaps its worth at a cost of RM3,000 per month lies in its placebo effect? Perhaps it is rich in proteins and nutritious elements, which justifies a place as a food source for a frail, grey haired lady?

Milk and eggs are repackaged and sold as revolutionary science. But the science seems nonsensical to me. And expensive to the consumer. Oh well, perhaps it works out, weirdly, in a Keynesian way.

Epiphany 2

2011-11-08T01:56:00.002+08:00

It says in the Bible we are to work out our salvation with fear and trembling. I can see why it would be necessary to do so. Like one who admits he is a recovering alcoholic despite not a sip in ten years, I am inclined to sin. The recovering alcoholic knows that even a small sip will bring on a familiar, unquenchable thirst. It is easier to never drink again than to drink and stop. That carnal, old me will be with me till the day I die, always seeking to choke out the redeemed, new me. The new me that seeks to dispense with all thoughts and deeds unworthy of Him, and love and put others first. The me that enters into others' lives and is not hindered by a fear I'd be judged, rejected or disliked because love never gives up. First them than me.

Epiphany

2011-11-08T01:53:00.001+08:00

A, B, C, D [and etc.,] are the objects of my anger. I am upset with them because I think, rightly or wrongly, they have wronged me. In some cases, what gave rise to the offense took place years ago. But Lord Jesus would have been willing to go to the cross even if He could have saved just A, B, C or D. Given the immeasurable extent of His love, it would be inordinate or inappropriate if I were to choose to nurse the hatred and contempt in my heart.

The Smart Alec

2011-11-08T01:44:00.002+08:00

September. E said, "I am dancing in front of baby boy [J]. I am so cute hor."

Last week. K2 said, "Do you understand?" E said, "Yes and I know too. I am very smart."

E also set a photo of herself as the wallpaper of my new smart phone in the course of exploring it. As Dr Ee Ee says, E has no self-confidence issues. :)

Tricks

2011-08-26T19:11:00.003+08:00

E tried to push the limits of my authority at naptime today. She was in a playful mood and insisted on covering her head with a thick blanket.

I said, "Sleep now or Mama will take away your blanket. One, two ..."

She said, "I don't understand."

I replied, "If you don't understand, I will show you. I will take away your blanket.

E and her tricks. :)

Persistence

2011-08-23T11:03:00.003+08:00

E was engaged in a tug of war with her father over a sock. She squealed with enjoyment but became frustrated when he did not let go. Tightening her grip, she said, "Never give up. Never never give up." When I told my sister about E's motivational self-talk, she said, "Oh dear, that's not something she needs to learn." :)

J

2011-08-15T19:39:00.007+08:00

J on August 14, 2011

A Nurturing Streak

2011-08-08T16:20:00.007+08:00

Early this year, E was playing with I (who is 5 months older). They were taking turns to throw a ball into a container. I told her, "E, take turns. Its I Ko Ko's turn now." She looked at him with earnest eyes and chirped sweetly, "Your turn now. Throw the ball." When he held onto the ball, she nodded encouragingly and said again, "Throw the ball. Throw the ball."

......

A few months ago, E fought with a 6 year old girl over I's possessions. Each of them tugged at a sheet of stickers. When I's mother intervened and spoke to the older girl, E took the opportunity to grab the stickers. She ran to I and said, "This is yours."

......

During her recent stay in the hospital, E cried a lot. She would cheer up when K2 brought her to the children's ward playground. One time, she played Catch with a little girl (who appeared a few months younger). When the little girl took her turn on the slide, E stood at the bottom with her feet apart and held out both hands in case she fell. :)

Emotions

2011-08-02T22:54:00.026+08:00

When E feels sad, she says, "E crying."

When E feels scared, she looks into my eyes and asks, "Scary ah?"

When E needs assurance, she says, "Not scary ah?"

When E succeeds in a difficult task, she says, "Yay!"

When E is defiant, she stretches towards you and says, "Rah!"

When E is happy, a smile lights up her face.

......

E'd been asking to suckle on and off over the last few months. I weaned her in the fourth or fifth month of my second pregnancy.

On the day we brought J home from the hospital, E came to me each time he cried. While I nursed him, she would touch his tummy gently and say, "Baby boy hungry ah? Baby boy drink Mama milk." But towards the end of the day, she broke into tears after saying once again, "Baby boy drink Mama milk."

The next day, I looked at her when she woke up from her night-time sleep. When she saw my face, she gave me a sweet smile. Her face lit up when I recited her favourite nursery rhymes. She asked for the mulberry bush song and called out to us, "Papa, Mama, hold hands!" K2 went to her, but I was nursing J. Usually, E would persist until we linked hands and went round and round in a circle. But after two attempts to get me to join her, she glanced at J in my arms and stopped. E danced with K2 and her toy puppy while I sang.

......

I sleep in a separate room with J during my confinement month. One night, K2 was away. E was supposed to sleep with her Ee P2. She came to my room when I was nursing J and begged me to come with her. A smile flitted across her face when I said I would do so after I'd put J in his cotbed. When I entered E's room, she ran to me with a cheer. "Yay...!" We fell asleep side by side. :)

The Progressive Stages of Development

2011-08-02T22:49:00.036+08:00

Entries of July 21, 2011:

A few months ago, E talked straight when looking for an alternative source of goodies. In a typical conversation, E would say, "Mama, buy princess book." If I said no, she would go on to say, "Papa, buy princess book." One time, K2 said no. E responded, "This book Mama buy wan."

E progressed to ensuring her sources of goodies did not overlap. A few weeks ago, I said, "When baby brother comes out from Mama's tummy, baby brother will buy princess book for E." She said, "Baby brother buy princess book. Mama don't buy princess book. Mama buy Handy Manny sticker book."

Of course, when E met J for the first time, she tried to collect what was due to her. After looking at him, she said, "I want princess book."

......

Last week, I agreed to buy E a princess book and a sticker book. After she'd been naughty, she did a status check. She said, "Mama buy princess book, buy sticker book."

"No, Mama's not going to buy princess book or sticker book because E didn't listen to Papa."

E became upset. She said, "No! Mama buy princess book and sticker book!".

"No."

"No! Mama buy princess book, buy sticker book!"

"No."

E saw she needed to propose a compromise in order to salvage an increasingly dire situation. So she said, "Mama buy sticker book only, don't buy princess book."

......

Today (July 21, 2011), E and I were reading a book. I pointed to a picture of a squirrel with overly long ears and said, "This is a squirrel."

E said, "No, this is a rabbit."

"No, this is a squirrel."

"No! This is a rabbit."

"No, this is a squirrel. See the long bushy tail?"

E was thinking hard during our dispute. She proposed a diplomatic solution to resolve the conflict in viewpoints. She said, "This is a rabbit called a squirrel." :)

Hitched

2011-08-01T14:56:00.013+08:00

Yippee! Finally! Uncle Y and Lin E tied the knot on Saturday, July 30, 2011. :)

Streams of Thoughts

2011-08-01T14:56:00.012+08:00

K2 is in the hospital with E. She has been admitted with asthma and pneumonia.

I am at home, breastfeeding J. He is 20 days old today.

My throat feels sore. Am I being attacked by the same bug that ails E? How can I protect J?

E is feeling cranky, and she looks tired. If only I'd put in more effort to build E's immunity. If only I'd spent more time with her doing the things she likes. If only I'd dance more with her. I think of how to strengthen her when she is discharged from the hospital.

I try to plan a daily routine, which lets me take care of both my children after my month of confinement.

I pray and pray for E and J. I am almost overwhelmed by a mother's anxiety. I grip my book of Bible verses and concentrate on the parts where He speaks of our children.

Play Ball

2011-03-29T00:56:00.003+08:00

We were at church and met a toddler six months older than E.

E threw a few small balls at him and he threw them back. She picked up the balls and aimed it at him again. He threw them back. They were playing ball!

When K2 picked us up, E and her friend were disappointed with the interruption to their game. :)

I am Eating!

2011-03-29T00:51:00.002+08:00

A few weeks ago, E was eating wedges with tomato sauce.

Uncle Y asked her, "Can you say Ford Frost?"

She said, "I am eating!"

:) [Do not disturb me, Uncle Y!]

Sayang

2011-02-12T15:18:00.002+08:00

E was watching TV when a baby kangaroo appeared and went to its mother. She came up to me and said "I sayang Mama." Then she hugged me. :)

Shapes and Numbers

2011-02-07T19:45:00.003+08:00

Hurray! E can count. :)

We asked her, "Can you count the toilet rolls?"

She said, "One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six. Six tissue paper."

"Yes, correct!"

When she spotted a couple of large cement fish by the roadside, we asked her, "Can you count the fish?"

She said, "One, Two. Two Fish."

"Yes, correct!"

If she spots a circle, she traces its outline and says, "Circle. Circle. Circle."

She draws zig zag lines and says, "I draw zig zag. I draw zig zag."

But she's not ready for kindergarden yet. I've a lackadaisical approach towards toilet-training.

Backseat Driver

2011-02-07T19:35:00.004+08:00

E's very vocal nowadays, safe and snug in her car seat at the back of the car. When K2 drives, she sometimes says in a chirpy voice, "Careful, careful, Papa. Careful!" :)

The Monster

2011-01-30T13:57:00.004+08:00

E and I were reading a book. A picture of a big, green monster with horns and a pugnacious jaw appeared. I hurriedly turned over the page, but E insisted on going back to see the monster.

She asked," What is it?"

I said, "Monster, it's a monster."

E looked at the picture of the monster for a moment, then said, "Go away!"

Yes! That's the right attitude!

"Go away, monster. Go away!" :)

Sound Advice

2011-01-28T14:38:00.005+08:00

Christianity Today has published, on January 21, 2010, a Q & A interview with Billy Graham, who is more than ninety years old.

Here are some of the highlights of what Billy Graham said:

"As we grow older we should focus not only on the present, but more and more on Heaven. This world, with all of its pains and sorrows and burdens, isn't our final home. If we know Christ, we know we have "an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you" (1 Pet. 1:4). I know it won't be long before I'll be going there, and I look forward to that day. Heaven gives us hope, and makes our present burdens easier to bear."

"... the most important issue we face today is the same the church has faced in every century: Will we reach our world for Christ? In other words, will we give priority to Christ's command to go into all the world and preach the gospel? Or will we turn increasingly inward, caught up in our own internal affairs or controversies, or simply becoming more and more comfortable with the status quo? Will we become inner-directed or outer-directed? The central issues of our time aren't economic or political or social, important as these are. The central issues of our time are moral and spiritual in nature, and our calling is to declare Christ's forgiveness and hope and transforming power to a world that does not know him or follow him. May we never forget this."

Check out the full interview at www.christianitytoday.com.

Impressionable

2011-01-26T19:11:00.006+08:00

Mothers, be careful what you say to your children.

When in bed, I have an obsessive desire to wrap my feet with a blanket. I almost always never stick out my feet beyond the edge of the bed. If I do, I soon feel uneasy and pull them back.

Why? When I was an impressionable child, my mother told me a scary story, which ended with the scratching of the heroine's feet. I've never gotten over it. :)

Milestones

2011-01-24T14:29:00.008+08:00

E's a determined and focused little girl. She put together, without any assistance, a 50-piece jigsaw puzzle before she was two years old. A puzzle I found quite difficult to solve.

E likes order in her life. She arranges her stuff. When she walks away from her neat rows of stuff, she looks back and returns to make adjustments. Once, there was a stray book amongst her puzzles. She removed it saying, "No! This one book!"

E likes arts and crafts. Last Christmas day (i.e., when she was two years one month old), she folded a tiny fan for me, saying, "Turn, fold, turn, fold". The day after New Year's day, she drew a little smiley line then followed this with a wobbly circle to cover the whole of a square-piece paper. She said, "Apple. Baby draw apple." It did look like an apple.

E sings. She knows the Alphabet Song and a few others. She's a bit out of tune, but perhaps that's not unusual for her age group?

What sort of career will E choose in the future? :)

Roaring Baby

2010-09-28T13:50:00.014+08:00

Kevin Conner of Australia presented a talk on law and grace at Full Gospel Assembly (FGA) off Kuchai Lama Road, Kuala Lumpur. We sat at the back of their main sanctuary, which is about the size of an Olympic swimming pool.

E was restless and called for K2. "Papa! Papa! Papa!" A2, my aunt and uncle were embarrassed and squirmed, but E2 became louder and louder as her engines warmed up.

Kevin Conner paused at the front of the sanctuary and looked towards our direction. There was laughter when he said, "I thought I heard a roar. But it was actually a baby". :)

www.muralsforkids.com

E in August

2010-09-26T21:55:00.004+08:00

August 4, 2010

Tree Shrew

2010-09-25T18:19:00.007+08:00

We were at my parent's house. When we went out to the garden, I thought I saw an odd little shape pop up at the window of the guardhouse. It reminded me of the toothy, nervous squirrel with its prehistoric acorn in Ice Age. I narrowed my eyes and took a second look, but did not see anything unusual.

A tree shew was in the guardhouse. It darted around the small confinement and zigzagged up to the windows. When our maid moved away from the door of the guardhouse, it took the opportunity to dash through the opening under the door. It had been nibbling at the half-ripe jackfruit my father was storing in the guardhouse. E was upset that it left. Its the first time we'd seen an entrapped tree shrew.

Bullfrog

2010-09-25T18:08:00.007+08:00

I imagined bullfrogs as large, hairy creatures. They bellow so loudly in the rain from their hiding places. E tilts her head and puts her hand up to her ear when she hears their calls, which are interspersed with the chirpier choruses of other frogs.

One night, a bullfrog ventured from the neighbour's landscaped pond, up the banana tree and over the wall. It sat outside the shadow of the orange light at the pillar flanking the right side of our gate. There were insects aplenty for its dinner. It was a small and pretty creature with a distinctive pattern on its back. It became alarmed when I moved in for a closer look and took a flying leap onto the grass.

More Pictures of E :)

2010-09-04T00:32:00.005+08:00

E at Pink Sage, Solaris Dutamas on May 6, 2010

E at Ikea on May 6, 2010

E at Borders, The Curve on August 5, 2010

Singing

2010-09-03T23:34:00.004+08:00

E lifts her hands above her head, twirls and sings when she hears West Wing's theme song. Well, we think she's singing. Its a continuous sort of "yea, yeaaaaa ye yeeee" yell. She nods her head cheerfully and sways from side to side now and then. :)

Amen

2010-09-03T23:26:00.002+08:00

E has a baby Bible. When I read out loud the child-size prayer at the end of each story, she follows my "Amen" with a sweet and chirpy one of her own. :)

Unalloyed Enjoyment

2010-09-03T23:22:00.003+08:00

Our maid, Man brought in from the sun a newly-washed comforter folded into a laundry basket. E leaned over and snuggled into the fluffy sensation of the comforter. She appreciates even the simpler things in life! :)

Moths and Butterflies

2010-08-24T15:28:00.007+08:00

E and I sat side by side and watched Microcosmos on TV. A moth appeared on the plasma screen. She pointed at it and said "mot". When she saw a butterfly, she said "bai". Hurray, she knows the difference between moths and butterflies!

Busy Baby

2010-08-24T15:25:00.002+08:00

I bumped into a chair and it swung to the side. E exclaimed, "Oh! Oh no!". She then ran to the chair and put it back to its proper position. :)

Clock

2010-08-20T22:03:00.006+08:00

E became excited yesterday when she noticed a picture of a watch. She chirped in a sweet voice, "clock, clock!" I said, "that's right, it's a clock!".

Can a baby or a young toddler tell the difference between a watch and a clock? Should I say, "it's a watch, but technically, you may be correct because it is a time-keeping device and has a clock-face?"

Little Helper

2010-08-20T19:17:00.002+08:00

If E sees a stray plastic wrapper in the house, she will pick it up and throw it into the kitchen bin. If I give her a tissue paper, she will attempt to wipe her mouth or clean the sofa seat.

West Wing

2010-08-20T19:15:00.004+08:00

E likes the grandeur of the West Wing theme song. She will lift an arm above her head and twirl slowly in a wide circle, now and then waving a graceful hand.

Contrast this with the street, rapper-style racket she had in October last year. When the waiters at a restaurant started a clap and cheer routine, she joined them in her high chair. She clapped her hands, rolled her arms round each other and did zig-zag, karate-kid movements with her hands. :)

Go, Go Fish!

2010-08-19T20:05:00.006+08:00

E and I sometimes read a board-book, "Go, Go Fish!". She usually makes an ish sound for fish. But last night, E decided to try to pronounce the consonant sound of f. We had lots of giggly fun as she blew water bubbles and pouted her lips in her efforts to say f. :)

Love

2010-08-19T19:55:00.005+08:00

K2 and I quarreled a few weeks ago. We got into a bad mood. So we swallowed our pride, and exchanged a few e-mails setting out our perspectives of how we felt wronged. It felt remarkably good, and we kissed and made up. It's an illustration of how married couples should not let too long a period go by before airing all their accumulated resentments. There's a reason why the Bible says love keeps no record of wrongs! (See 1 Corinthians 13:5).

Frogs and Toads

2010-07-29T19:21:00.000+08:00

It has been a rainy week in Kuala Lumpur. Our maid, Man found two young toads. They were lurking about in the plot of lemon grass behind our bungalow. She caught an older and less frisky toad, but I thought two toads were enough for E. It hopped hastily away and hid amidst the potted plants, under the Rangoon creeper with its clusters of small, white-pink flowers.

I labelled them frogs instead of toads. I think toads are generally stouter creatures with dry and warty skin. They lay their eggs in long strings whereas frogs lay their eggs in clusters. But can a baby or young toddler understand the difference between a frog and a toad? :)

The Creations Declare His Glory

2010-07-29T00:39:00.007+08:00

The Milky Way over Bryce Canyon on July 2010
(NASA Astronomy Picture of the Day)

"... what may be known about God is plain to [men], because God has made it plain to them. For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - his eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse". Romans 1:19-20, Holy Bible (New International Version).

E in March

2010-07-28T01:40:00.008+08:00

Photos of E taken during March this year ... :)

E in February

2010-07-28T01:30:00.009+08:00

Photos of E taken in February this year ... :)

Chinese New Year Eve

Mirror reflection: Looking at Mama

E in July

2010-07-28T00:24:00.007+08:00

Photos of E taken in July last year ... :)

E and Her Friends

2010-07-26T18:28:00.007+08:00

E insists on breastfeeding in tandem nowadays. She makes an impatient noise and gestures at her soft toy rabbit, cow or puppy until it joins her. It's also her quiet time - she points at the door and waves goodbye to K2 until he leaves the room. She's a funny little girl. K2 and I think she is so cute! :)

We bring her to Musikgarten classes once a week. The classes are designed to "foster music literacy" in a community setting. We sing, listen, dance, engage in a variety of movements and play with rhythm sticks, resonators and hoops. She was initially shy, but now laughs quite a bit and plays with the other children. At home, I play the CD they provided to us. She listens, dances and plays with the rhythm sticks. When the first notes of Tchaikovsky's Waltz of the Flowers appear, she recognizes them before I do and holds her hands above her head, twirling and lifting a leg now and then. We role-play too. She is so cute when she pretends to be scampering little mice and an old gray cat that sleeps and stalks them.

Growing Up

2009-11-06T16:20:00.007+08:00

E grows and grows. She flips through the pages of our magazines and books, frowns in concentration and points out particularly interesting pictures. She plays "catch", cruising and crawling away from us. She claps and rolls her arms round each other to the rhythm of catchy tunes. Oh dear, she will be a toddler soon! :)

Urban Wildlife

2009-11-06T12:51:00.007+08:00

Kuala Lumpur, October 26, 2009, 9:14 am

This bird perched outside at the window ledge outside my office early one morning. It flew away when I moved closer.

What Did They Do?

2009-07-27T19:05:00.005+08:00

If anyone dropped by our place today, they'd have been surprised to find no welcome and an empty house. K2, baby E and I went out to town with our domestic helper. What did the residential geckos, house spiders and pesky ants do in our absence? Did they all vary their daytime movements and routines?

The Comparison Game

2009-07-10T18:01:00.011+08:00

My feathers get ruffled whenever anyone makes a negative comment about E's looks, or thinks I'd be a much better mother if I follow their "my way is the only way" advice on babycare.

But this really soothed me - a mother's loving words to her daughter (who is a new mother):

"It's not easy to take, is it ... your baby being evaluated by others. People more often than not say what they think. He'll always be compared to someone else. That's life in a competitive world.

... people observe how you do things, how you care for your baby. They will ask if he sleeps through the night, if he's getting enough to eat, if you don't think he needs a supplemental bottle, if the doctor thinks he's gaining enough weight. It goes on and on. You just have to take it in stride. Sometimes people have good advice, and sometimes they just like to talk.

...Accept your little one as he is and love him unconditionally. Take what others say about him with a grain of salt, and turn up your nose at judgmental remarks about your care for him. I know you will do your very best."

- Excerpt from Mildred Tengbom's "Devotions for a New Mother"

The Peregrine

2009-07-07T23:49:00.000+08:00

"A falcon peregrine, sable on a white shield of sky, circled over from the sea. She slowed, and drifted aimlessly, as though the air above the land was thick and heavy. She dropped. The beaches flared and roared with salvoes of white wings. The sky shredded up, was torn by whirling birds. The falcon rose and fell, like a black billhook in splinters of white wood."

- Excerpt from The Peregrine by JA Baker

Firefly

2009-05-15T21:52:00.018+08:00

One night, a firefly decided to visit us. When K2 climbed up the florescent-lit stairs in our home, he came across the small insect. He thought it might be a slender cockroach, but a bright-green torch at the end of its tail lit up when he moved it.

We took some photos of the firefly before releasing it into the garden.

E was fascinated by the firefly :)

I Understand You, You Don't Understand Me!

2009-05-13T02:27:00.010+08:00

Vivian Gornick captures so well what often happens in a mother-daughter interaction:

"Oh, Ma! What a day I've had," I say. Mary Cassatt, Mother and Child

"Tell me," she says. "Do you have the rent this month?"

"Ma, listen ... " I say.

"That review you wrote for the Times," she says. "It's for sure
they'll pay you?"

"Ma, stop it. Let me tell you what I've been feeling," I say.

"Why aren't you wearing something warmer?" she cries. "It's nearly winter."

The space inside begins to shimmer. The walls collapse inward. I feel breathless. Swallow slowly, I say to myself, slowly. To my mother I say, "You do know how to say the right thing at the right time. It's remarkable, this gift of yours. It quite takes my breath away."

But she doesn't get it. She doesn't know I'm being ironic. Nor does she know she's wiping me out. She doesn't know I take her anxiety personally, feel annihilated by her depression. How can she know this? She doesn't even know I'm there. Were I to tell her that it's death to me, her not knowing I'm there, she would stare at me out of her eyes crowding up with puzzled desolation, this young girl of seventy-seven, and she would cry angrily, "You don't understand! You have never understood!"
- Excerpt from Vivian Gornick's memoir Fierce Attachments as reproduced in Deborah Tannen's book You're Wearing THAT?: Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation

On E

2009-02-11T23:25:00.016+08:00

A sketch by E's ee (auntie):

she had no material substance until very recently - conceived
about a year ago now, hitherto ? - o the mystery!

and then slowly she took form, a little swelling, a little sonographic image, a little fluttering, a little kicking... a little baby!

a creature whole, self-contained, such a strange combination of fragility and indomitable existence. Once released onto this world, to be part of it forevermore.

and she has pierced hearts, her innocent fingers ploughing
into our substance and staking a claim, an ownership that will brook no defence.

will she justify this possession - will she try to live as her mother lives? a heart so soft, and so good.

On Motherhood

2009-01-15T17:01:00.001+08:00

It's true, what they say, having a daughter is like having your heart outside your body. When E was in my womb, she was part of me. Now that she's outside, she carries part of my heart with her. I will always be vulnerable and exposed now, because my heart is with her and I can never take it back. It is God's way of making sure I love her all the days of my life.

Envy

2009-01-14T11:13:00.020+08:00

A friend shared with me how she struggles with feelings of envy when she compares herself to others. She is still single, and wishes she has a boyfriend or husband. She is so overwhelmed by the intensity of her feelings, she isolates herself from couples and stays away from wedding celebrations - a friend married is a friend lost.

She is angry with God: Why God? Why? To her, God seems so unfair - if He truly were a sovereign Lord and cares for her welfare, why doesn't He look out for her too?

*********

K2 and I recently met by chance some friends. They told us they lived in a very respectable residential area. I didn't feel glad about their good fortune, even though we were no paupers! Instead, I felt anxious about whether K2 and I had sufficient assets. I never knew how envious a heart I had until I realised I had difficulty rejoicing with my friends ... I have been feeling insecure about staying at home to look after E. If I stay home to look after E, I will fall behind in the business of accumulating wealth.

But does our worth depend on what we do and how much we earn? Are our material possessions an indication of how successful we are in life's great race? There is a race track operated by the world, and there is a race course which is not of this world.

Thoreau: "If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."

*********

Aeschylus: "It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered."

Cicero: "I never admire another's fortune so much that I became dissatisfied with my own."

*********

Excerpt from CS Lewis The Screwtape Letters (where Screwtape, a very experienced demon writes to Wormwood, a novice demon):

The whole philosophy of Hell rests on recognition of the axiom that one thing is not another thing, and, specially, that one self is not another self. My good is my good and your good is yours. What one gains another loses ... 'To be' means 'to be in competition'.

Now the Enemy's philosophy is nothing more nor less than one continued attempt to evade this very obvious truth. He aims at a contradiction. Things are to be many, yet somehow also one. The good of one self is to be the good of another. This impossibility He calls love, and this same monotonous panacea can be detected under all He does nd even all He is - or claims to be.

Olive-backed Sunbirds

2009-01-12T12:08:00.017+08:00

A whirling noise came from the coral bean tree outside the window of our study. I looked up, and saw three tiny creatures zipping out at various angles from the red flowers and branches, as fast as they can. They seemed no bigger than butterflies or bumblebees.

I realised they were no insects when I got a closer look. One perched, for an instant, on the telecommunication line near me. It had a bright yellow body, capped with an olive-green crown and back.

Birds they were! To be precise, they were olive-backed sunbirds. Nectarinia jugularis.

Sunbirds usually don't travel in groups. I think there is a nest nearby and at least one of the birds may have been a juvenile. :)

Cheeky E

2008-12-08T21:24:00.008+08:00

Staying Home

2008-12-06T20:46:00.014+08:00

Milwaukee County Circuit Judge Leah Lampone left the bench after fourteen years in order to stay at home with her three sons. This is her resignation letter:

As I write, I gaze upon my newborn son – an answer to our years of prayer, unexpectedly granted late in life. Patrick is napping now, exhausted from his morning’s work – viewing the world from his mother’s shoulder. He sleeps secure in the knowledge that upon his waking cry he may reclaim his rightful perch. The burden of his weight on my no-longer-youthful back is lightened by the knowledge that this tender nurturing will have a lifelong impact on his perception of himself and the world around him.

My decision to leave the bench after fourteen years was not easily made. I have enjoyed the challenge and hope I have served well the trust that the people of Wisconsin have placed in me. Yet the job I leave has changed dramatically from that which I undertook when I first donned a robe.

In each of my judicial assignments over the years, I have seen, heard and felt the unraveling of society as palpably as a slap in the face. Caught in the trap of lifelong welfare dependence, generations of impoverished and dysfunctional mothers, ignorant of the need for nurturance and incapable of adequate parenting, have produced children bereft of hope and vision and without the capacity for empathy for another human being. (I omit reference to fathers only because in most of the cases we see, they have seemingly become superfluous after conception.)…

As a substitute for the structure, control and education the family once provided, people now turn to the government. Ancient values of self-reliance and responsibility for, and to, family are seemingly dying...

With these thoughts in mind, questioning how important my work on the bench truly is, a reordering of my priorities is perhaps overdue.

Looking back upon my years as both judge and mother, I have come to realize the greatest impact I have made in any life is that which I've made in the lives of my children... While I suppose I could continue as both judge and mother, at age 44, after the stress of a hard day, I doubt I could be all the mother that two young boys and an infant deserve...

Patrick calls and hence I must close- both this letter and my career on the judiciary...

I leave with alarm at what I have daily seen. I leave with the warning that we as a culture must end the cycle of procreation without committing to parenting, dysfunctional household units, and abdication to the government of the family's role in teaching moral, spiritual and social values...

Hopefully, by investing more of my time in my own home, I will look up at the end of my life to see three young men, emotionally vibrant and self-reliant, ready to face their life's drama... With that solid foundation, perhaps they will be better equipped to meet the challenge in their future of putting back together the pieces of society we let crumble in our hands.

Leah Lampone's resignation letter is reproduced in Dr Brenda Hunter's book, "Home by Choice". She also refers to other American judges who took time out of the labour force to rear their children full-time. Both Sandra Day O'Connor, Supreme Court justice and Patricia Wald, chief judge of the Court of Appeals spent years at home with their children.

Reflection Time

2008-12-04T12:05:00.006+08:00

What is it that you want? Where do you want to go? Are you on the right path? Do you need to look again at the choices you made?

Dr Brenda Hunter in "Home by Choice":

'Said one mother of four children under the age of fourteen, "I don't know why I'm angry all the time. Lately I've been yelling at the kids, and I told my husband, Ron, 'for the past two weeks you can't do anything right.'" This forty-something mother juggles a demanding career, carpooling, soccer matches, swimming meets, church activities, and home renovation, then wonders why she falls into bed at midnight, exhausted.

When she complained to me about her schedule, I told her what I, as a psychotherapist, say to my patients. First, I ask, "Are your choices helping you or hurting you?" If they respond negatively, I counter, "Which choice would you like to change?"

It takes courage to change our lives when we feel we are running in the wrong direction. But sometimes we must, particularly if our current choices are hurting us or our marriages or our children. Whenever we feel we are on the wrong path or not being true to what we believe, that is the time to make new choices.'

Crying Mamas

2008-12-03T17:04:00.004+08:00

Baby E went to the pediatrician for a routine check-up a couple of weeks ago. She was followed by a doting entourage consisting of her mother (me!), grandmother, aunt and nanny.

When the pediatrician said she needed a blood sample, we dutifully followed her instructions. As we made our way to the test center, E's nanny became anxious about the state of my mind.

"You should sit outside," she said. "I'm sure you'll cry if you see what happens."

I sat outside the booth where a nurse punctured E's tiny heel. E's wails became louder when the nurse could not get enough blood the first time round. My eyes teared. I got up and stood facing the corner. The strangers near me looked at me kindly and offered their seats, but I wanted to hide my vulnerable state.

My mother was amused by the whole episode. She recounted what happened to my aunts as they sat at a Coffee Bean outlet. But instead of laughing uproariously, they reacted by crying uncontrollably. My eldest aunt's eyes turned red, and my second and third aunts alternated between laughing and crying. The waiters and patrons of the coffeehouse surreptitiously watched their odd behavior.

I feel quite merry about the satisfactory show of tears by my female relatives.

Why did they cry? As women and E's grandaunts, they were probably sensitive to her cries of distress. They could also identify with a new mother's feelings and concern for her baby. Or perhaps, they were relieving their own experiences.

What Ee Ee Wrote (No. 2)

2008-12-02T18:20:00.006+08:00

Here's more of what E's aunt (my sister) wrote about her:

Monday, November 10

here!!!

2.61kg! naughtily, frustratingly early, but very safely - here!

Thursday, November 13

ee

i am her ee ee; she is tEEny; and fEEds most voraciously.

she lay quite contented in my arms with her head flexed and body curled. Then we poked her around, with our hapless attempts to wrap her snugly the way midwives do so well - and she became over-stimulated (the new Mother said) and started bawling. So much sound, from so little a creature!

What Ee Ee Wrote (No. 1)

2008-12-02T16:41:00.015+08:00

Here's some of what E's aunt (my sister) has written about her:

Monday, July 21

soon

dear e,

i look forward to thee
with very much glee
longing now to see
everything that you will be

;)

and

i will buy you books
and bring you for long drives
make you tell me jokes
ask you about your future
tell you about the past

i will love you
because of who you have come from
and because of who you will be

e! what a mystery
what wonder
what numinous glory

Swift Defense

2008-12-01T06:38:00.006+08:00

A few days before E was born, my mom visited me. She let herself in and peeked into my room. I was sound asleep, so she went back downstairs.

As she tugged at the living room curtains, she saw a small, black cobra trying to make its way into the house. Her eyes opened wide at the threat to E, and she instinctively seized K2's slipper from the floor. When she opened the main door, she saw another small cobra trying to squirm into the house.

She bent over swiftly and whacked the nearest cobra's head. She then charged out the house and killed the other cobra.

Thank God for my mom, she is truly a warrior woman! :)

P.S.: i was so disturbed by what happened, i scolded my mom for using K2's slipper rather than a broomstick to kill the snakes. The snakes could have reared up and bit her hand!

Crying Baby

2008-11-28T15:02:00.012+08:00

Some people advocate a militaristic regiment for poor baby - breastfeed baby for twenty minutes every two hours even if she shows signs of frustration or distress. But if they are hungry or thirsty, i'm sure they'd go straightaway to the pantry or snack bar. Such double standards! ;)

They also say that baby will develop manipulative traits if she can summon an adult or two each time she cries. I disagree, i disagree!

The Australian Association for Infant Mental Health points out that recent scientific research in infant neurological development indicates that persistently ignoring a crying baby will harm her. Check out their website at http://www.aimhi.org/.

Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend takes a similar view. They say in their book "Raising Great Kids" that comforting babies when they cry "builds brain structures that will enable infants to sooth themselves later."

Cloud and Townsend go on to say that:

"People who say that infants are trying to manipulate you and need to be taught not to be selfish do not understand the absence of thought process in babies. Babies do not even have the brain capacity to think that way. They are just in despair and need to be comforted.

... an infant's job is to learn to exist in the world, to need, to trust, and to relate to his mother. His overwhelming emptiness and helplessness don't leave him much room to want to be the next Hitler. He is more concerned with making it minute-by-minute in a strange, scary environment."

A baby develops basic trust structures during the first year of her life. Her instinct is to try to form attachments to her care-givers. She depends on them to meet her physical and emotional needs. If her needs are consistently met, she learns that she is worthy of love. By contrast, if no one answers her cries when she is miserable, she receives the message that she is of no importance (i.e., no one cares!)

... so, what does my instincts as a mother tell me? Pick up baby when she cries! :)

E is Here!

2008-11-28T13:49:00.034+08:00

E has arrived. Our lives have been turned topsy turvy by a small bundle of tears, wails and spontaneous smiles. Havoc!

We had a sleepless first night at home trying to decipher E's cries. Her daddy was rather bewildered and frustrated. As he held E, I heard him try to reason with her: E, what's wrong? Please tell us. We have fed you, so you can't be hungry. We have burped you. We have changed your diapers. Tell us, why are you still crying? ;)

When E cries, we rush to comfort her and meet her need. If we are a tad too slow, her cries take on an imperious tone. Her tiny mouth gets really big when she screams.

E looks really cute - like a baby bird - when she tries frantically to latch on to my breast.

E, our wonderful, beautiful daughter ... :)

Uncertain Times

2008-06-30T17:07:00.004+08:00

The political equilibrium has been jarred yet again. The performers are vying for positional dominance and prominence in the circus ring. All the clowns are nodding in tune and the fire-eaters are out with their flashy torches. Will they run out into the crowd and summon a rioting mob?

Breathless

2008-06-17T11:53:00.003+08:00

It's a blah day ... i had heart palpitations in the bathroom this morning after a hot shower, and felt dizzy. Now i am so out of breath. Baby's pressing against my diaphragm. But i'd say it's worth it - baby, baby :)

Life is wonderful!

2008-06-12T12:27:00.006+08:00

Ooh, life is so wonderful!

I love my husband so much, and I love our little one forming within me.

I love my family - i feel their love enfolding me as they stretch out their hands to me and the baby.

I love my friends - they brighten my day with their laughter and sharing.

I love my job - and thank God for the DNA supplements i've been taking for the baby, they are helping me too!

It just feels good to be alive - streams of endorphins coursing through me! I am so thankful for the life God gives me... :)

New Life

2008-03-21T18:01:00.009+08:00

The stars are out there in the sky, so quiet behind the tree tops. So different from the glowing lamp in my room.

I am soothed by gentle dreams of what lies behind my navel. A tiny heart is beating steadily at a tempo twice as fast as mine.

A little person's taken root in this comfortable sanctuary. Here at last! Very much at home.

Determined limbs are stretching ahead. Eyes are searching far into the future.

Another masterpiece by the Maestro. Watched over by Him. Known by Him before the beginning of time.

The Leaders of the Nation

2008-02-25T20:35:00.010+08:00

Scripture Union's Encounter with God reading for 8 February 2008 comments that:

"You have reasons for doubting that all is well with your life; you have difficulty discerning a divine pattern or a good reason why dreadful things happen to you or to those you love; you feel at times depressed by your political leaders or by those who form public opinion in your country; perhaps your church is disfigured by dispute and quarreling. In prayer, lift your eyes higher to the Once who will do everything that he has promised..." [Emphasis added].

The general election is scheduled for 8 March but I feel disconsolate about the heart condition of our leaders.

The Bible speaks of the perils of weak leaders and national governance: "Destruction is certain for the land whose king is a child and whose leaders feast in the morning." (Ecclesiastes 10:16).

... we need to pray that the rakyat elect leaders who safeguard the interests of the nation ... men with noble hearts who do not divide the nation along lines of race and religion, pitting citizen against citizen ... ... disciplined men of integrity who do not accumulate wealth excessively ... men who are transparent about their lives having unquestionable morals ...

... wise men of sound judgment who govern the nation with justice and righteousness.

"Happy is the land whose king is a nobleman and whose leaders feast only to gain strength for their work, not to get drunk." (Ecclesiastes 10:17).

Prayer Time

2008-02-05T12:28:00.001+08:00

Local bookstore, December 2007

I browsed happily, picking up children books. Why, is that a mouse celebrating Christmas?

A small Malay boy appeared next to me, attracted by the colorful cover of a book.

His father grabbed him, exclaiming loudly against the whole display of Christmas-themed books.

"Heesh! Kami tak boleh baca buku Christmas!". [We can't read Christmas books!].

My feelings were slightly hurt. Are the books really so kafir?

But never mind, he meant no offence. And I'm sure many Muslims still count Christians amongst their friends.

February 2008

... everything's all murky now in the country.

Here's an excerpt from an article in Malaysiakini.com (at http://www.malaysiakini.com/):

4 February 2008

A seizure of English bibles by Customs Department officials has left a bitter taste in the mouth of a Malaysian Christian and led the Council of Churches Malaysia to decry the increasing incidence of such acts by the authorities.

It comes on the heels of a spate of legal suits following similar seizures of Christian materials by the authorities earlier this year and late last year.

On Jan 28, missionary Juliana Nicholas returned from a trip to the Philippines carrying with her two boxes containing 32 bibles meant for her church group.

Upon arrival at the Low-Cost Carrier Terminal (LCCT) in Kuala Lumpur, she was told to declare and open the contents of the boxes.

Having done so - and despite showing them a letter from her parish priest stating the texts were for use by the church - Nicholas was shocked to be hear subsequently that the bibles would be "referred" to the Internal Security Ministry’s Publications and Al-Quran Texts Control Division.

- Bibles confiscated by Customs Dept by Fauwaz Abdul Aziz

Please, keep praying.

Meerkats

2008-01-22T11:04:00.000+08:00

K2 took a photos of these meerkats on the last day of our honeymoon at New Zealand.

I was fascinated by the creatures - they have a scruffy juvenile charm. :)

Falcon Chicks

2008-01-17T14:42:00.000+08:00

We dropped by Wingspan Birds of Prey Trust centre at Rotorua in New Zealand, and came across two extremely cute New Zealand falcon chicks with furry grey down. :)

The falcon chicks perked up happily when we approached them. But when K2 mimicked birds' sounds, they were alarmed by his odd behaviour and backed away on unsteady legs ...

New Zealand falcon chicks, Rotorua, New Zealand, 27 October 2007

We also came across an adult falcon, which viewed us with vigilant eyes ...

New Zealand falcon, Rotorua, New Zealand, 27 October 2007

Check out the website of Wingspan Birds of Prey Trust's at http://www.wingspan.co.nz/.

Strange Deeds in the Kitchen

2008-01-17T11:50:00.000+08:00

Overheard in Kinokuniya bookshop, KLCC on 16 January 2008:

Bookshop assistant to another: The customer asked for a book on cooking frogs, cooking turtles ... where to find??

More on Charlie Brown, and the Evil World

2008-01-11T09:10:00.000+08:00

Here's another e-mail from my sister describing what's been happening in our lives:

"Recently we have been struck by evil. My sister and brother-in-law's home, shining brightly as newly-married homes do, was broken into on new year's eve whilst they were out celebrating at my aunt's. The thieves stole several items, the most heartbreaking loss being that of her precious engagement ring, sentimentally and materially valuable.

Then my gorgeous cousin sister's home was broken into - this time all their camera equipment, gathered carefully over the years and containing cherished images, was taken.

Two days ago some Persons tried to break into my parent's home, so old, so friendly in its matchbox shape - so appealing to wandering petty thieves. They ran away when the alarm rang out. Thankfully, nothing was damaged or lost.

We feel violated, unsafe. Home, no longer a certain haven; homes broken into, psyches toyed with.

From far away in Melbourne, i am no more safe - i have no fear leaving my secure little apartment and come back to it expecting nothing changed each night; but i worry, pieces of creepy ominous reflection and projection pushing themselves into my awareness at odd moments.

There is a word, a lovely word coined by a German theologian (Rudolf Otto) in 1923 - 'numinous' - "the mysterium tremendum et fascinans that leads to belief in the holy, the transcendent". He derived it from the Latin word numen, associated with 'divine majesty' - as 'ominous' is derived from 'omen'.

If life is like a cruise ship, and deck chairs are to be placed where you will, i am deeply comforted by the knowledge that the ultimate direction of this journey will not depend on my courage, my reflectiveness, or my ability to unfold my particular chair. For all these collapse weakly in the presence of these ominous signs of evil in our lives. The captain of my salvation, for whom are all things and by whom are all things - He steers this ship and the faint heart onboard.

Yesterday i delivered a baby by the use of a vacuum; the mother had been pushing for ages, and was exhausted when our (doctors') help was summoned. The top of the head emerged slowly, but the rest came out in an uncontrolled explosion as the mother involuntarily pushed in an almighty final effort, not able to heed our caution to hold it in. Her perineum shattered (as our faces fell even whilst the parents broke into delighted ecstasy) - she had to go to theatre for repair of the Muscles Down There. Yet everything went well in the end, and the warm, quiet glow of that baby dimmed all else.

Numen."